Posted in Beauty πŸ’‹, poetry

Birthday wishes (CHEERS)

Cheers to being 21
and the freedom that comes with it
cheers to the friends I’ve made
the things i’ve done
things i’ve tried
experiences
memories made
cheers to the tears i’ve cried
the laughter
the anxiety
smiling
sex
cheers to being young and stupid
cheers to all of my hard work
all of those learning moments
cheers to college
soon it will all be over
cheers to being young
Every second
closer to death
cheers to…..

toodaloo jw

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Head in outer space

I space out a lot

I am scared of the future so I crawl into my little hole and space out.

I wish I had a special talent,

singing, dancing,

any special talent

Ive always wanted to be special

to be that girl that you notice from across the room

Doesn’t everyone?

For now, I spend my days on youtube,

watching Netflix,

and wordpress of course

doing what I do best

my special talent

spacing out

TOODALOO JW

Posted in poetry

Abuse (venom)

Abuse
Like the Venom of a snake
Toxic, unforgiving
The pain
Overpowering you slowly
Rage turns into bruises
Ignorance into scars
Living, a child,
Father behind bars
Father only during the day
At night, a monster
Our father astray
Asking why, how and for what over and over
Curious about how childhood could be
With a father sober
Looking back at all the scars
The bruises, the pain
The snake and his venom
Harmless until injected
Forming a tolerance
Stronger with every encounter
I thank my father for the venom
Not fearing the poison
The reason i’m alive
Knowing that with every mark
I would survive
Abuse
Toodaloo JW

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Mess

my room smells like cat
there is dirty underwear scattered on my floor
bedsheets i haven’t washed in days
dirty clothes piled by the door

I come home to sleep
thats all i do here
I study at a cafe
its the same every year

promise myself that things will change
I will keep my room clean
who am i kidding

Toodaloo jw

Posted in Random little Journal Entries

Getting there…the path to the L word

Everything happens for a reason

Why do I feel like the first time we went ice skating together was 5000 years ago but also feels like we were there yesterday. Grabbing onto the railings like my life depended on it. You looking at me and smiling…admiring something. Not sure what you see, because you look at me in a way that you would gaze at your wife walking down the isle. What do I have that you admire so much?

I am scared to think about what is in store for me, for us, in the future. Scared, and nervous and excited.You bring out the best me, but also the me from high school that looks at life from a view.

A+J?

ToodalooJW

Posted in poetry

Alone

silence
perhaps im afraid
Im afraid of the whispers
that voice in my head

The monsters, my own demons
They escape when there is silence
Telling me things
awful things without reason

Im afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence,
by myself

My childhood, rather lonely
growing up among complete strangers
so many people
not a familiar face in sight

The front door opens at around 7pm
my mother enters
smile gleaming from her face

I remember looking forward to it
counting down
waiting for her to appear
to open that door

too many times have I been disappointed
the waiting game was the worst
broken promises turn to lost hope

i’m afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence
by myself

im a thinker
i replay scenarios in my mind
not seeing the truth
in reality i am lost

Afraid, lost, confused
I see things, hear things,
things that are not there
is believing seeing
or is seeing really believing

This only happens in silence
i crave distraction at all times
i am uncomfortable being alone
i dont like it
im afraid
of myself
my own demons

I am afraid of emptiness
im afraid of feeling forgotten
I hate suspense
looking at that door to open
for hours until i realize that it never does

especially not when you’re anticipating it