Posted in Beauty 💋, poetry

Birthday wishes (CHEERS)

Cheers to being 21
and the freedom that comes with it
cheers to the friends I’ve made
the things i’ve done
things i’ve tried
experiences
memories made
cheers to the tears i’ve cried
the laughter
the anxiety
smiling
sex
cheers to being young and stupid
cheers to all of my hard work
all of those learning moments
cheers to college
soon it will all be over
cheers to being young
Every second
closer to death
cheers to…..

toodaloo jw

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Head in outer space

I space out a lot

I am scared of the future so I crawl into my little hole and space out.

I wish I had a special talent,

singing, dancing,

any special talent

Ive always wanted to be special

to be that girl that you notice from across the room

Doesn’t everyone?

For now, I spend my days on youtube,

watching Netflix,

and wordpress of course

doing what I do best

my special talent

spacing out

TOODALOO JW

Posted in poetry

Abuse (venom)

Abuse
Like the Venom of a snake
Toxic, unforgiving
The pain
Overpowering you slowly
Rage turns into bruises
Ignorance into scars
Living, a child,
Father behind bars
Father only during the day
At night, a monster
Our father astray
Asking why, how and for what over and over
Curious about how childhood could be
With a father sober
Looking back at all the scars
The bruises, the pain
The snake and his venom
Harmless until injected
Forming a tolerance
Stronger with every encounter
I thank my father for the venom
Not fearing the poison
The reason i’m alive
Knowing that with every mark
I would survive
Abuse
Toodaloo JW

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Mess

my room smells like cat
there is dirty underwear scattered on my floor
bedsheets i haven’t washed in days
dirty clothes piled by the door

I come home to sleep
thats all i do here
I study at a cafe
its the same every year

promise myself that things will change
I will keep my room clean
who am i kidding

Toodaloo jw

Posted in poetry

A.S.H

Aggravated,
The way he is
hardworking
future oriented

Simultaneously
I feel like my heart and future are set on him
I feel at ease
ecstatic

A man who truly cares
who feels
who understands
just as I do

Goals in mind,
Plans his day
strategic in his efforts to balance
handles everything seamlessly

My rock
who moves mountains
I should cherish
feeling selfish

This man is going places
I’ll be there right beside him

toodaloo jw

Posted in poetry

Alone

silence
perhaps im afraid
Im afraid of the whispers
that voice in my head

The monsters, my own demons
They escape when there is silence
Telling me things
awful things without reason

Im afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence,
by myself

My childhood, rather lonely
growing up among complete strangers
so many people
not a familiar face in sight

The front door opens at around 7pm
my mother enters
smile gleaming from her face

I remember looking forward to it
counting down
waiting for her to appear
to open that door

too many times have I been disappointed
the waiting game was the worst
broken promises turn to lost hope

i’m afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence
by myself

im a thinker
i replay scenarios in my mind
not seeing the truth
in reality i am lost

Afraid, lost, confused
I see things, hear things,
things that are not there
is believing seeing
or is seeing really believing

This only happens in silence
i crave distraction at all times
i am uncomfortable being alone
i dont like it
im afraid
of myself
my own demons

I am afraid of emptiness
im afraid of feeling forgotten
I hate suspense
looking at that door to open
for hours until i realize that it never does

especially not when you’re anticipating it

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

XXX

My mind and body crave one thing
attention
the sensations, the pleasure
his lips take me to a whole new dimension

hands stroking me so gentle
a treasure
my body tightens
breaths quicken

the lights off
the room brightened
peaceful
quiet

the thrill all in my head
with every moment
my body enlightened
a burst of desire

burning through my veins
a blaze of fire
i’m seeing red
I want to give up, give in

he can read me
hear me
my walls paper thin
Feeling our heartbeats intertwine

the wall I put up is slowly deteriorating
Forgot how powerful it can be
The attention
him seeing me

feeling complete
my mind and body are now at ease.

TOODALOO JW

Breathe/1am

So unsure
going slow
Enjoying the rude
this is something new

Used to the rush
every relationship,
a roller coaster

The anticipation doesn’t last
not long enough anyway

//

I always seem to overdo
take a step back
wanting something new
perseverance is what I lack

Jumping into things
I never think
Expecting to swim
only to sink

Bit off more than I can chew
Stuck in situations
thinking theres more to do
Missing the foundation entirely

Not being able to answer myself
Don’t know what I want
Like a bird without a flock
A wolf without a pack

I know
I know
Just take a step back
Allow myself to gain the strength

To grow
Create the blueprints
Before the home
Making every move count

TOODALOO JW

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Hiking; Cali Adventures

wp-1461746840500.jpg

Hiking takes the edge off of a lot,
Walking,
Feeling the fresh air fill your lungs
Feeling like there is more to life than the norm
Nothing but open space for miles filled with fresh flowers, green hills, and wildlife.
Butterflies floating
Fluttering around my ankles
Landed on my shoulder like a friend
A distraction
Positive
Good vibes
Enhanced by a drug that puts everything in a new perspective
Allowing myself to feel everything
See everything
Be out of my element for a few moments
Only to find that while doing these things
I was able to find myself again
Instead of being in the usual 9-5 schedule that had become my life
Taking a step back and understanding how much life can take a toll on a person
Understanding that life is beautiful and filled with beautiful surprises experiences are around every corner
It’s up to us to decide what we do with our anger, rage, stress
You can live in it
Let it overpower you
Or take a step back
Walk
Take a hike

TOODALOO JW