Posted in Random little Journal Entries

February 2018

Sooo once again, I fell in love with someone who will never be able to reciprocate those same emotions toward me. I fell in love with a liar this time. A selfish man who thinks its okay to fuck anyone he wants without consequence. I knew from the very start that this man would never be loyal to me; he would never be mine. I thought I could do the whole friends with benefits thing but I was so wrong. I think it is disgusting to be with someone who is so open to sleeping with strangers. You don’t know them..you don’t know where they have been or what they’ve been through. Called me old fashioned but these are just my beliefs. I deserve better. I am better. I dropped him so fast because I respect myself enough to say no. It just sucks that I lost my best friend in the process. I really enjoyed every moment I spent with him. It got to the point where the smell of his clothes would bring me comfort and the one thing I would crave most is falling asleep in his arms. I loved you C. Now its time to move on..its for the best. Thank you for 6 months of memories.

TOODALOO JW

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Posted in Random little Journal Entries

RESOLUTIONS;

Hello internet/cyber-world thingy and hello to those who actually take the time to read my posts that include but are not limited to my VERY personal poetry, and a few very significant moments in my life that I document through stories. I am going to be on WordPress a whole lot more because there are so many things happening this year and so many changes that I’m not going to be able to wrap my head around until much later into the future. One of my New Years resolutions is documenting more of these exciting and positive moments. Every fall and winter since my father passed away I tend to fall into this depressed state and the only way to snap out of it is to remind myself of all the little things I am thankful for on a daily basis.

1. How my mother is an incredible woman and everything that she has put herself through was for this moment right here..complete bliss.

2. My father was an incredible cook and a cool state at home dad during the day. There was even a time after he got out of rehab where he was able to stay with us for an entire year while I was in middle school. I was so excited to have homemade breakfast and lunch instead of the free meals at school.

3. I was born into the biggest most loving family on this planet. My uncles and aunts all get along and there is never any conflict mA. I feel like all of my aunts are my mothers and uncles are father figures. My aunt Aziza raised me just as much as my mother. I remember having the courage to take the B.A.R.T. train from Concord to Fremont all alone just to see her every weekend in 5th grade. It was definitely my home away from home. ❤️

3.I owe my entire life to my girls, we are the friends that so many aspire to have. Theres P, the fabulous and talented and gorgeous Cosmo in training who we all know is going to be super successful in life. Probably going to have her own salon next to the hookah lounge we open up 😉
B, the modestly stunning photographer wifey who is probably going to marry an over 6ft tall black muslim guy (any inquiries…lmk) and have a bunch of mixed babies that I will take and raise for my own.
S, is gonna be married to a super rich middle eastern guy and will be set for life.. “me no study, me no care” right babe? LOL nahhhh jk shes going to be the most incredible business woman the world has ever seen…unless she’s doing bio-tech (has not been decided yet)..then she will have a cure for cancer in no time.

4.THIS FACE EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT
IMAG0409

also, thank YOU
yes, YOU
I see you through the stats 😬
for real though thank you for taking the time to read and comment, or like my posts. Maybe one day I will make this page more public and share it on my personal social media pages. I just don’t feel like I’m ready to expose that part of myself yet. My last few poems have been about my sexual fantasies and desires and I would like to think of WordPress as my little journal and an outlet where I can say whatever I want the way it feels. Some of my entries are nothing more than run on sentences..but thats the beauty in something like this, it doesn’t matter. If you haven’t yet, please like any posts you’ve read and maybe even follow me because I’m human and I would like a little reassurance once in a while 😅 I appreciate youuuuu
Thats all for now,
TOODALOO JW

Posted in Random little Journal Entries

To the married couples ❤️

To all the married couples who have made it through years together
I envy you

its hard to find a man
that will love you
be your biggest fan
the one who will be yours forever

commitments become difficult
millennials living their lives,
the “In the moment” state of mind
blaming myself

being too good
being a “wifey” type of girl
thought that was the dream

Bringing him food
Thinking of him day and night
Waking him up with a bj
My body at his disposal

too bad my relationships never last
A few months here
Few more there
my friends always know
How long it actually a lasts

I go through men like water
they’re so disposable
feels perfect in the first few months
until one day it all changes
they become careless

forgetful
all the little “favors” you do for them turn into chores
That white Pickett fence life is behind us
the new dream turned into a game

who can get ahead
who can get further
materialistic dreams
money

was it always this difficult?
were men always this way?
I know who I want to become
a successful woman
with a committed man on my side

someone who I know will appreciate me
and all the little things I do to keep him happy
even when we argue,
it won’t be enough to break us apart

we will always find a way back to each other
true love
these are the thoughts of a hopeless romantic

to those who have someone you would do anything for
the one you can commit your whole life to
give them anything in the world

see them with you every single step of the way
I envy you
never let that person go

TOODALOO JW

Posted in fashion, lifestyle, Random little Journal Entries

Summer 2016 Indiana Pt 1

These photos were taken by my best friend who lives in Indy. PC: BFM

Summer!!! What can I say, I wasn’t expecting to actually enjoy Indiana but I did. The gloomy weather and the rain brought me down a little bit. I am definitely not used to the humidity. This is just one of the outfits I wore in Indy. My favorite kimono/shawl from Forever21, shorts from Aeropostale (which by the way have the most incredible fit! I don’t really shop at Aero anymore but these shorts are too good to pass up!), Tan-ish/Beige boots from Charlotte Russe, and jewelry from Aldo.  Its been a while since I was able to wear shorts and a t-shirt in the pouring rain. California has me spoiled with all of the beautiful weather so you kind of forget about the rest of the world. Maybe I should start travel blogging! Any thoughts?

Posted in Random little Journal Entries, Uncategorized

20 years young

I finally hit the big two-zero, right out of my teen years and into the twenties where life is supposed to somehow become exciting and amazing. I have heard so many stories about how the best years of a person’s life begins at this age. I feel nothing but excitement and at the same time, I am curious to find out whats next. There is a surprise around every corner. My life right now is about me trying to remain content with being single. After having a one night stand with my ex-boyfriend from high school, that I recently reconnected with. I am not rushing into any more relationships for a while. It affected me in so many ways and I have realized that I have become very sensitive to the idea of intimacy with someone you barely know. The biggest turn off is when a guy is more into you, then you are him. I have also started a new job so I have a huge distraction coming my way. I know I have not posted in a while but I have decided to start writing again. I changed my major and am now looking into going into journalism. Hopefully I won’t change my mind again anytime soon.

Thats all for now,

TOODALOO JW