Posted in Random little Journal Entries

Attention whore 

Show me that you give a shit 

Come after me 

Make out with me

Drink with me

See me

Tease me

Kiss me 

Fuck me 

Love me 

…before it’s too late 

Toodaloo Jw

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Posted in Beauty 💋, poetry

Birthday wishes (CHEERS)

Cheers to being 21
and the freedom that comes with it
cheers to the friends I’ve made
the things i’ve done
things i’ve tried
experiences
memories made
cheers to the tears i’ve cried
the laughter
the anxiety
smiling
sex
cheers to being young and stupid
cheers to all of my hard work
all of those learning moments
cheers to college
soon it will all be over
cheers to being young
Every second
closer to death
cheers to…..

toodaloo jw

Posted in poetry

Abuse (venom)

Abuse
Like the Venom of a snake
Toxic, unforgiving
The pain
Overpowering you slowly
Rage turns into bruises
Ignorance into scars
Living, a child,
Father behind bars
Father only during the day
At night, a monster
Our father astray
Asking why, how and for what over and over
Curious about how childhood could be
With a father sober
Looking back at all the scars
The bruises, the pain
The snake and his venom
Harmless until injected
Forming a tolerance
Stronger with every encounter
I thank my father for the venom
Not fearing the poison
The reason i’m alive
Knowing that with every mark
I would survive
Abuse
Toodaloo JW

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Mess

my room smells like cat
there is dirty underwear scattered on my floor
bedsheets i haven’t washed in days
dirty clothes piled by the door

I come home to sleep
thats all i do here
I study at a cafe
its the same every year

promise myself that things will change
I will keep my room clean
who am i kidding

Toodaloo jw

Posted in poetry

Alone

silence
perhaps im afraid
Im afraid of the whispers
that voice in my head

The monsters, my own demons
only escape during silences
Telling me things
awful things without reason

Im afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence,
by myself

My childhood, rather lonely
growing up among complete strangers
so many people
not a familiar face in sight

The front door opens at around 7pm
my mother enters
smile gleaming from her face

I remember looking forward to it
counting down
waiting for her to appear
to open that door

too many times have I been disappointed
the waiting game was the worst
broken promises turn to lost hope

i’m afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence
by myself

im a thinker
i replay scenarios in my mind
not seeing the truth
in reality i am lost

Afraid, lost, confused
I see things, hear things,
things that are not there
is believing seeing
or is seeing really believing

This only happens in silence
i crave distraction at all times
i am uncomfortable being alone
i dont like it
im afraid
of myself
my own demons

I am afraid of emptiness
im afraid of feeling forgotten
I hate suspense
looking at that door to open
for hours until i realize that it never does

especially not when you’re anticipating it

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

XXX

My mind and body crave one thing
attention
the sensations, the pleasure
his lips take me to a whole new dimension

hands stroking me so gentle
a treasure
my body tightens
breaths quicken

the lights off
the room brightened
peaceful
quiet

the thrill all in my head
with every moment
my body enlightened
a burst of desire

burning through my veins
a blaze of fire
i’m seeing red
I want to give up, give in

he can read me
hear me
my walls paper thin
Feeling our heartbeats intertwine

the wall I put up is slowly deteriorating
Forgot how powerful it can be
The attention
him seeing me

feeling complete
my mind and body are now at ease.

TOODALOO JW