Posted in poetry

Alone

silence
perhaps im afraid
Im afraid of the whispers
that voice in my head

The monsters, my own demons
They escape when there is silence
Telling me things
awful things without reason

Im afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence,
by myself

My childhood, rather lonely
growing up among complete strangers
so many people
not a familiar face in sight

The front door opens at around 7pm
my mother enters
smile gleaming from her face

I remember looking forward to it
counting down
waiting for her to appear
to open that door

too many times have I been disappointed
the waiting game was the worst
broken promises turn to lost hope

i’m afraid
afraid of being alone
in complete and utter silence
by myself

im a thinker
i replay scenarios in my mind
not seeing the truth
in reality i am lost

Afraid, lost, confused
I see things, hear things,
things that are not there
is believing seeing
or is seeing really believing

This only happens in silence
i crave distraction at all times
i am uncomfortable being alone
i dont like it
im afraid
of myself
my own demons

I am afraid of emptiness
im afraid of feeling forgotten
I hate suspense
looking at that door to open
for hours until i realize that it never does

especially not when you’re anticipating it

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Posted in lifestyle, poetry

XXX

My mind and body crave one thing
attention
the sensations, the pleasure
his lips take me to a whole new dimension

hands stroking me so gentle
a treasure
my body tightens
breaths quicken

the lights off
the room brightened
peaceful
quiet

the thrill all in my head
with every moment
my body enlightened
a burst of desire

burning through my veins
a blaze of fire
i’m seeing red
I want to give up, give in

he can read me
hear me
my walls paper thin
Feeling our heartbeats intertwine

the wall I put up is slowly deteriorating
Forgot how powerful it can be
The attention
him seeing me

feeling complete
my mind and body are now at ease.

TOODALOO JW

Posted in fashion, lifestyle, Random little Journal Entries

Summer 2016 Indiana Pt 1

These photos were taken by my best friend who lives in Indy. PC: BFM

Summer!!! What can I say, I wasn’t expecting to actually enjoy Indiana but I did. The gloomy weather and the rain brought me down a little bit. I am definitely not used to the humidity. This is just one of the outfits I wore in Indy. My favorite kimono/shawl from Forever21, shorts from Aeropostale (which by the way have the most incredible fit! I don’t really shop at Aero anymore but these shorts are too good to pass up!), Tan-ish/Beige boots from Charlotte Russe, and jewelry from Aldo.  Its been a while since I was able to wear shorts and a t-shirt in the pouring rain. California has me spoiled with all of the beautiful weather so you kind of forget about the rest of the world. Maybe I should start travel blogging! Any thoughts?

Breathe/1am

So unsure
going slow
Enjoying the rude
this is something new

Used to the rush
every relationship,
a roller coaster

The anticipation doesn’t last
not long enough anyway

//

I always seem to overdo
take a step back
wanting something new
perseverance is what I lack

Jumping into things
I never think
Expecting to swim
only to sink

Bit off more than I can chew
Stuck in situations
thinking theres more to do
Missing the foundation entirely

Not being able to answer myself
Don’t know what I want
Like a bird without a flock
A wolf without a pack

I know
I know
Just take a step back
Allow myself to gain the strength

To grow
Create the blueprints
Before the home
Making every move count

TOODALOO JW

Posted in lifestyle, poetry

Hiking; Cali Adventures

wp-1461746840500.jpg

Hiking takes the edge off of a lot,
Walking,
Feeling the fresh air fill your lungs
Feeling like there is more to life than the norm
Nothing but open space for miles filled with fresh flowers, green hills, and wildlife.
Butterflies floating
Fluttering around my ankles
Landed on my shoulder like a friend
A distraction
Positive
Good vibes
Enhanced by a drug that puts everything in a new perspective
Allowing myself to feel everything
See everything
Be out of my element for a few moments
Only to find that while doing these things
I was able to find myself again
Instead of being in the usual 9-5 schedule that had become my life
Taking a step back and understanding how much life can take a toll on a person
Understanding that life is beautiful and filled with beautiful surprises experiences are around every corner
It’s up to us to decide what we do with our anger, rage, stress
You can live in it
Let it overpower you
Or take a step back
Walk
Take a hike

TOODALOO JW

Posted in Random little Journal Entries, Uncategorized

20 years young

I finally hit the big two-zero, right out of my teen years and into the twenties where life is supposed to somehow become exciting and amazing. I have heard so many stories about how the best years of a person’s life begins at this age. I feel nothing but excitement and at the same time, I am curious to find out whats next. There is a surprise around every corner. My life right now is about me trying to remain content with being single. After having a one night stand with my ex-boyfriend from high school, that I recently reconnected with. I am not rushing into any more relationships for a while. It affected me in so many ways and I have realized that I have become very sensitive to the idea of intimacy with someone you barely know. The biggest turn off is when a guy is more into you, then you are him. I have also started a new job so I have a huge distraction coming my way. I know I have not posted in a while but I have decided to start writing again. I changed my major and am now looking into going into journalism. Hopefully I won’t change my mind again anytime soon.

Thats all for now,

TOODALOO JW

Late night quiet

In my bed I lay awake
my heart pounding, my hands shake
my mind fills with thoughts unclear
Is this hate or just fear
so many emotions boiling up inside
like a tea kettle steam arise
bubbling and brewing like a fresh lie
until the truth comes out
peace and quiet

TOODALOO JW